ORANGE ALERT…AMSTERDAMNED Reviewed

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DVD. Shameless. Region 2. 18. (We actually watched the earlier, out-of-print edition on the Cine-Excess imprint of Shameless sister label Nouveaux Pictures. Same specs and extras.)

Having considered one non-Italian giallo, Sidney Hayers’ Assault (1971) in our previous posting, I thought it might be in order to take a look at another one here.  This particular Italian genre has tended to travel as badly as Italian cheese but perhaps that distinct sub-strain of Venetian thrillers (the superior Who Saw Her Die and The Designated Victim, the execrable Giallo In Venice… even, if you stretch a point to breaking point, Nic Roeg’s Don’t Look Now) explains why the format translated so well to the canal-crammed capital city of Holland for Amsterdamned (1988)… not to mention the consummate skill of writer / director Maas and his collaborators.

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Much of the film plays like an unabashed advertisement on behalf of the Amsterdam tourist board, an impression underlined by the 35 minute “making of” featurette (“The City, The Film, The Makers”) included among the extras here… the action even adjourns to The Rijksmuseum at one point so we can check out Rembrandt’s The Night Watch (oh go, if you’re going to get all pedantic on me, that’s Rembrandt’s The Company Of Frans Banning Cocq And Willem Van Ruytenburch). Not sure though, how visitor numbers were ever going to be  boosted by this saga of a demented frog man emerging from the city’s canals to slaughter victims, seemingly selected at random, in sundry spectacular fashions before disappearing again in those waterways. The staging of and musical accompaniment to the kill scenes have more than a suggestion, albeit a heavily ironic one, of Jaws about them and, just like on Amity Beach, there are civic dignitaries with a vested interest in the crisis being handled in a manner likely to put off the fewest possible tourists (the suggestion is then, if anything, more of Henrik Ibsen’s An Enemy Of The People, bringing the scenario Spielberg pinched for Jaws back to its North European roots).

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Over the mayor’s objections, the chief of police insists that the right man to crack the case is inspector Eric Visser (Maas’s favored male lead, Huub Stapel). It’s difficult to discern precisely what special qualities he brings to the investigation, beyond a facility for fairly amusing one-liners and looking cool in a scruffy kind of way. He seems to devote way more time to bringing up his similarly flip and anarchic daughter Anneke (Tatum Dagelet), putting up with her eccentric, nerdy boyfriend Willy (Edwin Bakker) and pursuing his own romance with sexy Rijksmuseum guide Laura (Monique Van De Ven from Paul Verhoeven’s Turkish Delight… can’t say that I blame him) than applying himself to the small matter of all this canal carnage. Clues and leads just seem to drift his way as if by magic and it has to be said that when they do, he pursues them energetically via his participation in such beautifully executed (and edited) set pieces as a car / motorbike chase (complete with witty allusions to Bullitt and Starsky & Hutch) and, as if that weren’t enough, a rattling speedboat chase around the canals of Amsterdam (some of which was actually shot, somewhat contentiously, in the city of Utrecht) that’s every bit as good as its obvious inspiration, the equivalent scene in Geoffrey Reeve’s Puppet On A Chain (1971… the first AA film that the underage Freudstein ever snook into).

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Red herrings swim in and out of the plot and are dispensed with in their turn until Maas conclusively demonstrates his affinity with Amsterdamned’s Italian models by revealing the culprit to be a character to whom we haven’t even been properly introduced yet, and ludicrously motivated to boot (think of Sergio Pastore’s Crimes Of The Black Cat and you’re thinking along the right lines). While comfortably handling the genre conventions, Maas injects a pleasing vein of gentle humour that is generally absent from (or handled less successfully in) spaghetti thrillers and proudly flies the flag for his lowland homeland with plentiful visual and scripted allusions to iconic Dutch stuff… no Focus references, sadly, not even a glimmer of Golden Earring, but nederbeat outfit Lois Lane accompany the credit crawl with their insanely infectious title song…  even catchier than Simon Park’s signature tune for Van Der Wank. Allegedly on its original Dutch theatrical run, Amsterdamned finished with a jokey variant on the Carrie / Friday The 13th-type shock shot of a fist emerging from the canal, albeit clutching nothing more deadly than an ice cream cone. Just one gorenetto, eh Dick?

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Proof positive that it’s possible (albeit very rarely) to find a decent giallo that was made outside of the Italian milieu. No need to take my word for it… when I interviewed him, Lucio Fulci, no less, pronounced himself a fan of Amsterdamned and Maas’s work in general. If it’s good enough for Fulci…

… and indeed, Maas turned out to be a most amiable bloke while attending last year’s Mayhem in Nottingham, wowing festival-goers with his 2016 effort Prey, effectively an Amsterdamned remake with an escaped lion standing in for the skin-diving assassin.

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